


The Fan and The Fiction Part II: We’re Back B(retracted)s!

by Nightowl03



Category: Kamen Rider Build, Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, Kamen Rider Ghost, Kamen Rider Zi-O
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, More tags to be added, Multi, Screaming, Things being thrown, Why Did I Write This?, a bunch of riders walk into a bar, baby riders aren't babies anymore, bad fanfiction, cursing, everybody is little bit gay for each other, not actually decade's fault this time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2020-10-21 05:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20688320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightowl03/pseuds/Nightowl03
Summary: The boys are back at it again! But instead of pranking each other through fanfiction, they're competing to see can write the best story!Lines will be crossed, relationships will be tested, hearts will be broken, ships will sink faster than the Titanic, and only one will be left standing.





	1. sougo sets it off

**Author's Note:**

> SUPRISE! THERE'S A PART TWO!

_“Do you, Misora, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold until death do you part?”_

_Misora smiled brightly, nodding her head. “I do!”_

_The priest turned towards the groom, who was looking paler by the second, clearly nervous and scared._

_“And do you, Sento, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold until death do you part?”_

_Sento hesitated for a few seconds, a lump growing in his throat as he attempted to speak. Misora narrowed her eyes at him, looking annoyed that the words hadn’t come out of his mouth the second the priest finished speaking._

_“I…”_

_“I OBJECT!” yelled a voice from the crowd. Shocked gasps were heard as Banjou stood up and strolled up the aisle. A tearful expression came on Sento’s face and more scandalized gasps and excited muttering grew as Sento threw himself at Banjou who swooped the dark-haired groom into his arms bridal-styled._

_“I'm sorry Misora but Sento is mine. I fell in love with him from first sight and I know that we were meant to be” declared Banjou. Sento blushed but stared up at Banjou with an adoring gaze. Misora looked close to tears as Banjou turned around and sprinted off, Sento still in his arms. They raced off to a secluded building in a rather shady part of town._

_“Oh, Banjou! I knew you would come and save me from marrying that girl” cried Sento._

_“Of course I would. You’re my one and only” replied Banjou. “Also, will you marry me?”_

_Sento started crying. _

_“Yes! Thousand times yes! I’ll marry you!”_

_They made love all night long and went on to have fifteen children._

_The End._

Tsukuyomi finished reading the story and gave it back to Sougo who had a proud expression on his face. Geiz was shaking his head in disbelief while Woz clapped his hands. 

“A truly excellent story!” declared Woz, flicking his scarf over his shoulder like the male-model everyone said he should be.

“I don’t think Build is going to be pleased about this” noted Tsukuyomi. 

“You haven’t posted this…have you?” asked Geiz. Sougo’s nervous laughter gave Geiz the answer. There was a pause. Then Geiz launched himself at Sougo.

“ARE YOU TRYING TO START ANOTHER RIDER WAR?!”

Tsukuyomi pushed her way between them, trying to stop Boyfriend 1 from hurting Boyfriend 2. Woz smiled and proceeded to write down everything that was happening.

***

Meanwhile at a certain cafe….

“DAMN IT ZI-O!”


	2. sento fires back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "REALLY? RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out, I can't write romance/fluff/angst or smut BUT I can write some seriously good crack.
> 
> Also, the story written is based on that 'really? right in front of salad?' gif from some time back. Enjoy!

The cafe was on fire. Not literally but if Sento had fire powers, then the whole place would be torched. The handsome genius was at a table, racking his brains over how he could write a story that was going to top Sougo’s.

“How does the baby of theRider family already have a story with 100 hits?” asked Sento as he refreshed the AO3 page.

“Probably because you and Banjou are the hottest couple in all of Kamen Rider shipping history” replied Sawa, reading over the story with a gleam in her eyes.

“Pretty sure Philip and Shoutarou actually take that title but you know what it means” noted Misora, wiping down the counter with a clean rag. 

“How are you so calm about? I crashed your fictional wedding to Sento!” hissed Banjou, looking like he was ready to punch whoever came through the door.

“Probably because I have long since given up any hope that Sento and I would ever be more than friends,” said Misora, looking a tiny bit saddened. Setting his plan for revenge on Sougo on the back burner, Sento walked up to Misora and threw an arm around her shoulders.

“Believe me, had the writers of our series not been hardcore Rabbit/Dragon shippers, I would’ve liked our story to end in a wedding too,” said Sento. Misora shook his arm off, Sento gave her an offended look.

“We can’t have the readers thinking you actually have feelings for me. It’s bad for the fanbase. Go back to daydreaming about sucking Banjou’s dick” said Misora flatly. She went back to cleaning while Sento started sputtering nonsense while Banjou banged his head on the table.

“Look, just write a story about theZi-O OT3 and I’m sure it’ll get more attention. Everyone loves a good OT3” said Sawa. “The only thing better than Zi-O’s OT3 is probably Decade’s OT4.”

“OT4 for the win” added Misora. 

“What the hell is an OT3?” asked Banjou. He was then attacked by Sawa and Misora shrieking about the hell could he not know what OT3 AND OT4 meant and that he better be ready to learn because they were going to teach him a thing or two about the world of fanfiction.

While Banjou screamed about not wanting to hear about how fans pictured him and the others, Sento sat down in front of his fancy computer and cracked his knuckles. It was time to write a story so amazing, Sougo would have no choice but to bow down to the best fanfic writer AO3 will ever see.

_Tsukuyomi chewed on another piece of tomato. The salad Sougo had made her was really good. She liked it. She also liked the view of Sougo standing in front of her wearing the pretty pink and black apron she made as a gift when they first started dating. The only thing she was confused about was why Geiz was standing behind Sougo, a little too close for comfort in her opinion._

_“This salad is so good” commented Tsukuyomi. Sougo made a weird face like he was trying to concentrate on something but was distracted._

_“R-r-really?” asked Sougo in a weak voice. Geiz had shuffled closer, his chin practically on Sougo’s shoulder._

_Tsukuyomi nodded, then she realized something wasn’t right. She looked at Sougo and then at Geiz. Suddenly all the pieces flew into place. Throwing her fork down, she glared at the two boys behind the counter._

_“REALLY? RIGHT IN FRONT OF SALAD?” shrieked Tsukuyomi. Sougo opened his mouth only to let out a low moan. Tsukuyomi threw her hands up._

_“Is Woz also joining this?” asked Tsukuyomi. Sure enough, Woz walked into the room, naked except for the apron covering his front. _

_“IWAE!”_

_Tsukuyomi stormed out of the room._

***

cantwaittobeking: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!

yourfavoritegenius: Bow down bitches! Who’s the best fanfic writer? ME.

visioninwhite: I’m sort of disappointed I didn’t get to be involved in the threesome :(

gatestohell: I never want to hear that statement come out of your mouth, Tsukuyomi.

visioninwhite: I have needs too!

wozlovessougo: I must say, this story has, as they say, sparked my interest ;)

videogamesaremylife: Sougo…do we need to have the talk?

cantwaittobeking: NO!

yourfavoritegenius: Does this mean I’m the best writer?

videogamesaremylife: Are you making this into a competition?

yourfavoritegenius: Yeah.

dancingqueen: EMU NO!

videogamesaremylife: EMU YES!


	3. emu loses his chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Please allow me the honor of bearing your offspring"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but full of crack. Just the way I like it. Also, I have a Tumblr now but I'm still learning how to navigate it.

_“Emu. The time had come for the Kagami bloodline to be extended. You know what this means” said Hiiro in a low tone._

_Emu nodded, shedding his robe and laying back on the bed. The light from the candles made his skin look golden and soft to the touch. Hiiro stepped closer, dragging his fingers along the smooth skin of Emu’s inner thigh. _

_“Please allow me the honor of bearing your offspring” begged Emu._

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FLIPPING FUCK IS THIS?” screamed everyone’s favorite doctor as he stared in horror at the screen. He was torn between throwing his computer out the window or storming over to the temple and giving Takeru a good lecture about writing dirty things and posting them on the web.

“Emu moaned like the slut he was as Hiiro pounded his virgin hole from behind” read off Nico, clearly enjoying the story as Emu turned red and banged his head on the table. Hiiro had gone very pale and wasn’t meeting anyone’s eye. The rest of the group was rolling around in their seats, clearly thrilled and entertained by Takeru’s story. 

“Can we please stop reading it outloud?” begged Emu. He looked ready to explode.

“But why? We were just getting to the part where Emu licks Hiiro’s c…” started Nico before Taiga clamped a hand over her mouth.

“Children shouldn’t hear such dirty things,” said Taiga even though he was forcing himself not to smile.

“Fuck off, I’m twenty-one you old man” replied Nico as she pried Taiga’s hand off her mouth.Kiriya snatched up the tablet and picked up where Nico had left off.

_Emu licked Hiiro’s cock, batting his long lashes up in a coy manner. He moaned around Hiiro’s thick length, loving the feeling of his mouth being filled. _

_“Look at you. Sucking my cock like the whore you were meant to be. No one else is allowed to have you like this. You’re mine. Understood?” growled Hiiro as he grabbed a fistful of Emu’s dark hair and yanked. Emu groaned, his own cock hard and neglected, leaking at the tip._

“I SWEAR TO FRUIT JESUS! THIS MEANS WAR!!!!!” screamed Emu.

Somewhere on a beautiful alien planet, Kouta fell out a tree. 

"Why do I get the feeling that someone just used my name to declare war?"


	4. takeru gets yeeted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME FRUIT JESUS?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh..wow...it's been awhile. Sorry for the long wait. I have so many ideas and so little time to write it all down but I should have most of the chapters up sooner or later.

“YOU DID WHAT!” screamed Akari when Takeru sheepishly told her about the story he wrote and posted online. Under normal circumstances, Akari would just lecture Takeru about his actions and force him to part-take in an experiment. However, this wasn’t normal circumstances as Akari was in the hospital. In labor. Active labor to be clear. 

“It wasn’t meant to be taken seriously” protested Takeru, wincing as Akari squeezed his hand even harder. Her hair was sticking to her face and her cheeks were flushed red from pushing.

“I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You” hissed Akari. She then cried out as a painful contraction ripped through her. Why had she agreed to natural birth? 

“You can kill him after. Right now, baby Tenkuuji’s head is making an entrance” announced Poppy in a very cheerful tone from her spot between Akari’s legs.

“You mean he’s crowning” grunted Akari, breathing heavy through the pain. Takeru gave her a nervous grin and kissed her head.

“Our son is almost here,” said Takeru. Akari flipped him the bird just in time for Poppy to give her the sign to push.

There was a moment of quietness and then, the wail of a baby filled the room. Akari flopped back against the bed as Poppy held up a squirming-fluid-covered baby that was clearly pissed off about coming into the world.

“Oh. Hello there” whispered Akari. Takeru sniffled loudly but before he could ask to cut the cord, the door slammed open and one genius gamer came strolling in with a smirk on his face. Ice ran through Takeru’s veins as Emu handed him a tablet, his eyes all but demanding Takeru to read what was written on it.

_“Impossible!” said Makoto, shaking his head in disbelief. Takeru’s eyes were filled with tears as he held out the plastic stick._

_“I’m pregnant and it’s yours! Why can’t you just accept it!” cried Takeru, tears spilling over and running down his face in rivers._

_“Because I am married Alain!” fired back Makoto._

_“It’s because you’re a lying, cheating, two-timing, piece of monkey shit!” exclaimed Alain as he appeared from nowhere. Makoto gasped and Takeru started crying even harder._

_“You got us both pregnant!”_

“WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME FRUIT JESUS” screamed Takeru to no one in particular.

“That’s it!” screamed Poppy. She grabbed Takeru by his hood and quite literally threw him from the delivery room and into the lobby where everyone was waiting for the news. Except he flew a few feet and landed rather far from the room.

“Poppy just yeeted Takeru” noted Nico in a casual tone as Makoto pulled Takeru to his feet.

“Why am I not surprised” added Kiriya.

“What’s with the tablet?” asked Makoto, reaching out for the device. Takeru attempted to grab it back but it was too late. The older boy’s face had gone bleach white at the words written on the screen.

“Onii-chan?” asked Kanon in a worried tone. There was a loud THUD as Makoto fainted onto the hospital floor as Emu came waltzing out of the room with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“It’s a boy! Who wants to hold him?” asked Emu. Takeru was nearly run over by everyone in the lobby, all of them wanting to hold his son before him.

“I’m his father! I should hold him first” protested Takeru.

“But I’m his aunt and his godmother so really it should be me” replied Kanon. 

“Then what am I?” asked Shinnosuke in a curious tone.

“You’re the grandfather,” said everyone in unison. Shinnosuke fainted.


End file.
